Last Rite or LEFT

Joseph Mathais, my neighbour of oh so many years lay dying...
AS a good Christian and neigbour I ran to the church to get a priest to say the Last rites so that Mathais may proceed in peace to his Maker, a peace he found hard to achieve on earth with his ever nagging wife fat Claudia Mathais and her three even fatter children all fed on goan Sorpotel and caju feni.

When I reached the Parish office, I politely asked the lady working there if FR Henry or any other FR was on Duty to make a sick call.
"The name is on the board, " she rasped.
"Well it's Fr Henry", I said. "Is he upstairs"? I continued.
"How do u expect me to know WHO is upstairs when I sit downstairs?"
Logic, I thought, except that there was a looking imploringly to be used?
REluctantly she hits the buttons after I pointedly look at the instrument.
No answer.
"He must have gone for his evening jog." she mutters.
" But he's supposed to be on duty ?" I ask.
"Well, there's another 10 minutes to go, and he must have thought that no one's going to in the next ten, so off he went, I guess"", she smiles.

"Is there any other priest, " I ask anxiously.

FR Xavier comes prancing by, in HIS addidas attire and head gear.
"Hi" he says cheerfully,.
"FR there a man dying, can you come ?"
Haha, I'm not on duty you know" or can't you read the duty board young man, " he enquires enquiringly.

Finally I accost Fr Jude after much on the second floor.

Panting, I request and plead him to come with me.

"Who is this person, I want to know " he demands.
" Is he a parishoner ?
" How are you related to him ?"
"Is he really going to die "
"Does the building have a lift "
"Is it raining out now ?"
"Do you have a car ?"
"Will you reach me back ?"
are you a catholic ?"
are your parents catholic ?"
"Grandparents /"...

"Never mind father, Mathais must have already died by now. Mercifully."
I sigh.
"Thank you for listening" I say. As I walk away dejectedly.


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